the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
