The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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