I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
