mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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