You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
