Got a toothbrush?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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