I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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