I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
