my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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