Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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