i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I need to sanitize my soul.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
