Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
