I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
