just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My brain says no but my pants say off.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
