Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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