I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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