at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is classic penis vs brain.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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