after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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