True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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