I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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