dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I had to cum in my sink.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
