..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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