isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
