She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
