Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
