Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
