my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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