Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
