Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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