The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
