one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
