I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't deserve a penis
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
