is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
