So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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