you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
