hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
