Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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