Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
