i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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