I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
