I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
