I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
