is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
