How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
