she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
