Define "chronic" masturbator.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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