I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
