Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we have pet lesbian snakes
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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