By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
