why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
